Q. After I divorced my partner, I will tell people I am fine when they ask because I don't really want to get into details, but they don't believe me. How can they tell that I am lying?
A. Approximately 20% of your ability to communicate is verbal, leaving about 80% as non-verbal. Non-verbal communication includes tone of voice as well as facial and body signals. When our verbal and non-verbal signals do not match, most of the poeple will respond to the non-verbal, meaning they can see how you feel. Better to say 'I am having a tough day, thanks for asking.' The answer is truthful but does not invite help or advice.
Q. There are many kinds of losses that produce grief. Is there a single definition that encompasses all of the emotions caused by loss?
A. Grief is the conflicting group of human emotions caused by a change or an end to a familiar pattern of behaviour.
Q. I have had many painful loss experiences in my life. Sometimes I feel as if there is no way I can ever let down my guard and allow myself to cry. Will the Grief Recovery Method principals assist me to express those emotions both sad and happy?
A. Most of our behaviours and habits have been practiced for so long and so often that they seem like our nature. A lot of this we developed when we were young and told to 'stop crying.' As adults, this course will help you to complete the events and behaviors from the past and become open to being happy and joyful.
Q. I know that most people when dealing with a death are grieving over the loss of a loved one. But what about a 'less than loved one' person that is still living?
A. It is really important that you follow the GRM to complete your part of that relationship as soon as you can. If not, you may live in constant fear of any kind of interaction with or reminder of that living person. The completion of your part is that you will be able to live a life of meaning and value, not limited by painful reminders of a relationship that did not live up to hopes, promises, dreams or expectations.
Q. I am reading your flyer on grief looking for answers. I see you have group workshops but I am very sensitive about sharing my past grief in a group. Already I feel afraid just mentioning it. Any ideas for me?
A. Fear is one of the most normal and emotional responses to loss as well as being the most common. With fear usually comes isolation, so fighting through fear and isolation will aid in your recovery. Recovery from significant emtional loss is not acheived alone. However we do offer one to one workshops that allow the griever the benefit of not being isolated but also having someone to express their emotions with.
Q. In your eight week recovery work shop will there be homework?
A. Yes. Usually after every session you will have some homework to complete before the next session. I like to call it 'heart work' instead because it deals with honesty and emotions. The more effort you put into this 'heart work' the more benefits you will see for yourself.
Q. I have such happy memories of my deceased loved one, and even though I know that I have some unspoken feelings that need to be expressed, I am afraid that all of my happy memories of him will be erased. Will that happen?
A. First of all the answer to your question is no. In fact once you are able to let out all your feelings you will feel a renewed sense of completion. What you are completing is your relationship to the pain caused by the loss and anything that was left unfinished at the time of the loss. It is not possible to forget your loved one.